By Joe

Also titled ‘Why Vincent Felt Sorry For Skyeye’, this one’s a songfic (based on the song by Goldfinger), from Skyeye’s POV. Some words have been edited to make this story more kid-friendly.

I hate this so damn much.

‘So here I go, and there you went again
Just another stupid thing that I’ve done wrong
Locked up in my head–knocked down, beaten, left for dead
With all those brilliant things I should have said.
I gotta get away, and find something to do
‘Cause everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.’

I hate messing up, I hate making mistakes, I hate any errors at all, on my part–because I’ve already made way too many mistakes in my life as it is. There are tons of idiotic things I’ve done, and I sure as hell don’t want to think about them now. But this–this takes the cake, this could probably be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Why couldn’t I have said something else? Why couldn’t I have said something worth saying to her? It’s no use now–I can easily think of a million things to say that would definitely have been a helluva lot better than what I did say, but it’s not like I can turn back time and try to change things, make them better. Gah, it’s getting worse–even now, I’m still thinking of her. Maybe a trip around town would help.

*A few minutes later*

Damnit, it didn’t work. I still can’t get her out of my head: no matter what I do, no matter what I say, she just inexplicably pops up in my head. Wait a minute–she’s not popping up in my head, she’s always there! *bleep*, looks like this is going to be a long day–at least as long as the ones since that one.

‘Still counting the days I’ve been without you: one, two, three, four
Still counting the days that you’ve been gone.’

This is real proof that I can’t get her out of my head, no matter what I do: I can still remember that day, the day my life took a sudden drop. Heck, I can even remember how many days it’s been since that day, that oh so awful day. Oh, and did I already mention how much I hate how my life’s going right now? If I have, let me just stress it one more time: I…really…REALLY… hate…my…freaking…life. All because of the dumbest thing I’ve ever done…

‘Day one: was no fun.
Day two: I hated you.
By day three, I wish you’d come right back to me.
Day four, five and six: well I guess you just don’t give a sh*t.
Day seven: this is hell–this is hell.
I gotta get away, and find something to do.
But everything I hear, everything I see, reminds me of you.’

Let’s recap how my life went the first few days after–after that:

Day one – That was when I realized how stupid I was the night before, what a *bleeping* idiot I was.
Day two – Had a nasty anger fit, blamed everything on her (yes, I now know that was really stupid of me, thanks to Vincent).
Day three – All the energy I had the previous day is completely gone, I’ve resorted to moping around, and wanting her back so damn badly.
Days four to six – Energy rush again, spent these days trying to contact her, tell her I’m sorry (I even resorted to stalking her–but this is really important!), but to no avail–she doesn’t even want to talk to me.

At this point, Skyeye had to be bodily restrained by Vincent from blowing everything up: everything indoors, and quite a lot of things outdoors. I apologize profusely for this interruption.

‘Still counting the days I’ve been without you: one, two, three, four
Still counting the days that you’ve been gone.
Still counting the days since you left me: one, two, three, four
Still counting the days since you’ve been gone.’

Right, I feel better now–at least as good as someone who has just suffered his first heartbreak can feel, at any rate. It’s not a very good feeling at all, mind you: sometimes, it’s like I don’t know why I bother staying alive, now that my only reason for living is gone (and now I understand why Vincent is sad a lot), and sometimes I feel as if I’m just an empty shell–what’s inside me is just a big, hollow space that she created and used to fill. Now that she’s–she’s gone (there, I said it), I feel deflated, like all my will to do anything just flew right out the window. Maybe I’ll find a way to keep my mind off her–but I don’t expect to be too successful: nothing has ever kept my mind off her before, once I started thinking about her. Ah, I know: I’ll try talking to Vincent.

‘A thousand things I wanna say to you, but it’s too late now.
A thousand things I wanna say…
A thousand things I wanna say to you, but it’s too late now.
A thousand things I wanna say…’

Well, Vincent’s gone out (said something about a cemetery), I don’t feel like using the computer (incredible, I’ve never not felt like using the computer before), so now I don’t have anything to do–oh, no. The words are back, running through my head again–er, because of all the neural implants I have, I’m not always in control of what I think about. It just makes things worse, really: every time I think about what I could have said, I want to undo what I’ve done even more, or at least let her know I feel like the biggest idiot there has ever been on this earth right now, and say I’m so, so sorry. It eats at me: I want to talk to her–apologize to her–so damn badly that it feels like my heart is about to burst already. I think I’ll cry a little in the corner–and wish she was here to wipe my tears away and make things better.

‘Still counting the days I’ve been without you.
Still counting the days that you’ve been gone.
Still counting the days I’ve been without you: one, two, three, four
Still counting the days that you’ve been gone.
Still counting the days since you left me: one, two, three, four
Still counting the days that you’ve been gone…’

*third-person POV*

Vincent came home, after a long day (or maybe it just seemed like that to him, having gone to the cemetery and all). He wasn’t surprised to find out that the lights were dimmed: Skyeye often did it to ‘enhance the gaming experience’, or so he said, and maybe he was playing to try and forget about his girlfriend, if only for a while. He walked in a little further, and saw something unexpected: the computer was off. Curiosity aroused, he looked around for Skyeye, and found him.

What surprised him the most was not that he was sleeping in a corner (he was known to like staying in bed), nor was it that it was plain to see that his older brother had been crying (he himself had done it before), but that he was talking in his sleep, and appeared to be counting. Sighing, he stood up and said, “I know what you’ve been through, big brother, and I know I won’t be able to do what you have to do for you, but at least I can do this much for you.” He got a blanket, covered Skyeye with it, wiped the tear tracks from his face, and went to bed–but not before silently praying that someday his brother would be back to his old self.

Sad, eh?

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intro.

Presenting the thoughts and travails of a teenage writer who lives under a rock--albeit a rock with Internet access. Also, videos! Also, my Tumblr.

headshot!

  • 32,764 frags

ye random thought.

"For just this once, can we pretend it's you and me?" -Thinking Of You by Test Your Reflex

where in the world!?

from the author.

Check the pages every month or so (Egos, Fiction, Musings, Origins), I usually add stuff little by little (with the possible exception of Fiction, which really depends). Oh, and credits to Joaq for the header image.

by popular demand.

counting the days.

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