Let me get down to the point: I have a feeling something is wrong with me.

…well, other than the usual.

I have what I deem to be a veritable mountain of evidence to back it up, too:

I can’t eat. If you know me, you know that I like eating. It may not be apparent, and yes, I eat slowly, but nonetheless, I enjoy food. Not the case recently, though. More and more often I find myself with no appetite, and I end up eating only because I know I have to, not because I want to. Not just that, it seems that when I do get hungry, I eat less food than I usually do.

Sleeping’s screwed. So I need way more sleep than most other people I know. Big deal. The problem is, despite that I still can’t bring myself to go to bed, even when there’s nothing stopping me. Then I end up taking naps that last for hours when I get home from school, and–well, basically my sleep certainly hasn’t gotten any better.

Depression set in. You know how sometimes, you don’t really feel like doing anything, or talking to anyone? Or how a wave of low self-esteem suddenly comes on? Or how you just wish life didn’t suck? Yeah, it’s hit me pretty hard this week. Usually I’m against this sort of thing, and I’m generally happy (or at least I think I am), but that hasn’t been the case these days. It’s more of “stare-off-into-the-distance-and-occasionally-sigh-sadly”. Sigh.

All of the aforementioned has combined to add something more than irritation to whatever it is that’s going on with me. I’m pissed at what’s happening to me, since it’s sorta messing with my life, but what’s worse is that I have a feeling I know why this is happening. I’ll repeat that for emphasis: I think I know why things have suddenly become so out of control.

Which sucks, because the conclusion I’ve arrived at is hell to deal with.

Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it DAMN IT.

Yes, I know this is quite incoherent. Allow me this little act of selfishness to try and get a grip.

P.S: If you want to know the reason for my current state of fail, here’s a word to start you off: confusion.


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Presenting the thoughts and travails of a teenage writer who lives under a rock--albeit a rock with Internet access. Also, videos! Also, my Tumblr.


  • 33,593 frags

ye random thought.

"For just this once, can we pretend it's you and me?" -Thinking Of You by Test Your Reflex

where in the world!?

from the author.

Check the pages every month or so (Egos, Fiction, Musings, Origins), I usually add stuff little by little (with the possible exception of Fiction, which really depends). Oh, and credits to Joaq for the header image.

counting the days.

September 2008
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