Why Men Die First

Here’s a hilarious e-mail I got from my dad. XD

Why Men Die First

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for
centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation. First:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race
… you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework …
you’re a pansy. If you work too hard … there’s never any time for
her. If you don’t work enough … you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a
boring repetitive job with low pay … this is exploitation. If you have a
boring repetitive job with low pay … you should get off your lazy behind
and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her … that is
favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you … its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks … its sexual harassment. If you keep
quiet … its male indifference. If you cry … you’re a wimp. If you
don’t… you’re an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without
consulting her … you’re a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy … that’s domination. If
SHE asks you … it’s a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly
underwear … you’re a pervert. If you don’t … you’re gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape … you’re sexist.
If you don’t … you’re unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in
shape… you’re vain. If you don’t … you’re a slob. If you buy her
flowers …you’re after something. If you don’t … you’re not thoughtful. If
you’re proud of your achievements … you’re full of yourself. If you don’t
…you’re not ambitious. If she has a headache … she’s tired. If you
have a headache … you don’t love her anymore. If you want it too often …
you’re oversexed. If you don’t … there must be someone else.

Why do men die first? Because they want to.

Amen.

Things To Watch Out For

I’ll do the summer recap post later. In the meantime, I just realized that a lot of stuff is coming up this year (or in the next few months, or even days) that I’m interested in, and just so I don’t forget, I’m going to make a list. Sorry if everything I list seems to be aimed at kids, it’s a “too-lazy-to-think-like-a-grown-up” kind of thing.

Edward-itis

This story/article/comedy bit is inspired by recent hilarious events. I’m not really sure where this should go, so this’ll end up in the Fiction section too. Oh, and lest you forget while reading: THIS IS RELATIVELY PURELY FICTIONAL. Here goes.

Protected: Checklist, Revised

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(Non-)New Year’s Resolutions

The only thing constant in life is change.

This has been proven to be true for me many times, and I’m sure it’s true for you too. However, my tito gave me an eye-opener over the vacation, and I think I’ve changed along with life: as I said to a friend, I think I have a clearer picture of what I have to do now, and plan to do. Before I list ‘em down though, I’d like to say that this has nothing to do with the “new year, new start” principle–I just want to change, preferably for the better.

Vacation Idyllic–Over.

I haven’t been able to think of anything decent to write at all for the past two months or so, reason unknown (I do have an idea though). So, why have I chosen today to make an effort to return? Well, I guess that having school looming over my head made me think about whether my vacation was actually worth it (don’t worry, I will expound), and maybe also because I was sick of not being able to write (in fact, I’m fighting the urge to stop writing now, but if I give in I’ll probably never get to writing because I want to again).

The List Of Awesomeness

Blame this high on Beowulf.

- 300
- Nike Free
- Dawn Of War
- Impreza WRX STI
- Hayabusa
- Chuck Norris
- Company Of Heroes
- Wii
- Gauss gun
- 911 Turbo GT3
- Thrust SSC
- RATM
- N81
- Alienware
- Murcielago
- Starcraft II
- Quicksaves
- Iron Man
- Chicken rice
- IMAX
- Rex Navarrete
- Red Alert 2
- M1 Abrams
- M5
- Skulduggery Pleasant
- Vincent Valentine
- Rootbeer
- Popular Science
- Grues
- NukeZone
- Top Gear
- Uncyclopedia
- QDB

This may not be much of a post (still on semi-hiatus), but it sure is better than nothing. XD

Things About Singapore

This is all I have to show for four days out of town. Oh, and I came up with these during the trip.

- You’re never stuck in traffic for long.
- The trees here are quite abundant compared to the Philippines.
- Most residential buildings here are high-rise condos.
- There are a lot of expensive cars plying the streets.
- Some things change (there’s something that looks like the London Eye being built).
- Some things never change (the taxis still have that unique taxi smell, oddly enough).
- People take off their shoes before entering someone’s home.
- Plastic spoons are a boon when eating chicken rice liberally doused in hoisin sauce.
- Singaporeans (and some Filipinos I know) love their chili crab.
- The MRT there is ‘most excellent’.
- There are a lot of books available here, but they’re pretty expensive too.
- Fake console games can be bought here as well.
- A giant durian houses a theater.
- The phone numbers have eight digits.
- Some Singaporeans don’t speak English.
- There are E-Class taxis, for crying out loud.
- Malls can be found underground.
- The McDo there doesn’t sell Quarter Pounders.
- You could probably go from one end of the island to the other in two hours or so.
- There are parts in the mass there where the mass-goers bow to the altar.

It might not be a full-length article, but at least it’s an improvement over my previous inability to write anything except flatliners (and even then with an effort) which had been going on for the past few weeks.

And now for something completely different:

The Cheating Game

Teachers, please don’t kill me. And no, I didn’t base this on The Classroom (only hearing about it after I had finished writing these rules). Also, I don’t mean for these to be really used–entertainment-only (though I don’t know who’d be entertained by these other than me).

Protected: A possible novel?

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